She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
