so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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