i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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