they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
