I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
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My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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