Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
