Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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