that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
