Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
