he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
