What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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