in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
