I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
