I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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