Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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