i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
