We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
