I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
