Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
