you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
