is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
