I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
