there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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