3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
