I think i peed on brittanys purse
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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