i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
