i dedicated my morning wood to you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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