I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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