20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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