This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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