someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize