i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Holy sore nipples Batman
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
