...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
