If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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