Having a random hookup so left but love u
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
