I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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