Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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