i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
