If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize