no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
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Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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