i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
