Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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