..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
