i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
