put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
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I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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