at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
