Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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