I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
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I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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