you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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