im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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