Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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