That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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