How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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