And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
