I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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