I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
