I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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