roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
