I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
