I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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