The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
