I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize