the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I smell stomach acid.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
