I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
