i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
