you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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